Suzanne Proksa:
Welcome to another episode of the Suzanne show where I talk a little online business, human resources, personal development, chronic illness, and whatever else I decide to chat about. I am so excited that you are here, and I love to hear from my listeners. Please feel free to reach out to me on my website, suzanneproxa.com Proksa on all the socials where I'm also suzanneproxa. And don't forget to put that k before the s. Let's move on with the episode. I can't wait for you guys to dive in. Hey, beautiful human. Just a quick note that the episode that you are about to listen to is from my former show, Sue's Pro Live, but it is so good that I just wanted to make sure that it was still being shared.
Suzanne Proksa:
So enjoy.
Suzanne Proksa:
Suzanne Proksa here. Super excited to be here today with Lori DeGardi. Did I say it right? Yes. Oh, I gotta turn my thing off here. Super excited. Here we go. So today our topic is grant yourself the freedom to live, work, and play based on your inner truth and wisdom. And I know I told Lori before we got on, I know that my group is absolutely going to love this.
Suzanne Proksa:
And I also know that Lori, when I asked for recommendations of for people to be on, she was highly recommended. So I'm sure that there are several people out there who are super stoked to see her here today. So welcome. And I'm going to let you tell everybody what you do, because as I always say every time, you can do a better job than I can, for sure. Okay.
Lori DiGuardi:
It's great to be here with you, Suzanne. I am a superhero of the soul. I help women grant themselves the freedom to live life based on their own truth, you know, and become their best, their own best advocate and truly love themselves without guilt. You know, I help women say yes to themselves. And I do that through my speaking up as a professional speaker, as an author, as my online courses in my online courses and as a certified coach. So it's every breath I take is all about freedom and inner truth and wisdom. And I had to live it and before I learned it. And now that I lived it and learned it, now I can offer that to women.
Suzanne Proksa:
And it takes time to learn it. Doesn't it?
Lori DiGuardi:
Well, it took me a while. I'm I'm, you know, a woman of a certain age. And so it's taken me a while, but truly my vision is a new world power dime where women are their authentic visionary selves, their powerful selves where, oppression does not exist anymore. So that's my big vision is to end oppression.
Suzanne Proksa:
I love that. I absolutely love that. You know, I see so many talented women out there who, you know, they're scared. They don't think they can do it. There's all this programming that's happened in the past. And so I think what you do is incredibly important and the title of your book, and I do swear on this program and people notice.
Lori DiGuardi:
I know you do.
Suzanne Proksa:
Let's it's all good. And on iTunes, it's always marked explicit. So we're author of anger 101, the healthy approach to being a bitch. You have got to tell me about this. And I damn, I see it in the background there.
Lori DiGuardi:
Tell us Yes. It's right there. Yeah. I, I started writing this book, back in 2,009, but it was when I was involved in a car accident and I put it aside. And then last year when I moved to Tucson, Arizona from Pennsylvania to suburbs of Philadelphia, I auditioned for TEDxTucson. And but before you audition, you have to submit an application. And as if you're familiar with the TED stage, it's an idea worth spreading. You have to submit an idea worth spreading, and it should be radical and unique.
Lori DiGuardi:
So I I've been speaking for 20 some years and I thought, well, what do I have that's radical and unique? And I remembered the manuscript that I started writing, like, 6 years ago. And so I took a little bit of that book and I proposed it for the TED talk and it was accepted and I auditioned. And then I spoke for TEDx Tucson this year. So then I thought, okay, I need to finish that book because so many people came up to me to tell me, oh my God, I needed to hear you speak. That's why I came today. Or I wish my daughter was here or, you know, those kinds of things. And that's why I knew that we all need to know that we matter and that whatever we've suffered through or had pain about that we're not the only ones. And so that's why I wrote the book and this is really important.
Lori DiGuardi:
So you can stop me if you need to, but when it because I'll be here online because I'm so passionate about this. I was a pushover in my life. And in fact, I was victimized a lot through my, almost until I was 28. I was violated in one way or the other for a long time. And I used to kid around and say, I really wanna be a bitch. And, you know, people would think I was kidding. I really somehow I knew that being like bitches did not get violated. You know, they, there was something about that.
Lori DiGuardi:
Years later when I started writing this manuscript. So that was, like I said, in 2009. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That was 2012, I think. Anyway, I don't know. I just know today is September 28th. Right? Yeah. So I learned that the word bitch used as a derogatory name for women in America started in the 19 twenties.
Lori DiGuardi:
Now, if you heard my TED talk, you you already heard this part, but it's so important. What happened in the 19 twenties? Women got the right to vote. So when women had more of a voice in America, people tried to push them down. And so when I looked at the right to vote in America, it came from all the work that the first visionaries had women visionaries, which were the suffragettes. They were so angry about so many things and they had such limited circumstances to do anything, but they were so angry and so passionate and were such they had such a vision. They knew that if they could not experience the change that they were trying to create, that women later on would, and you and I, and all the women watching, we are benefiting here in America by the work of the American suffragettes. So for me, when I look at the word bitch and when it started to be used more and more in the 19 twenties, because women had the right to vote, to me, the American Suffered Jets were the first American bitches and they were powerful and honorable and they were visionaries and heroic and they were angry. So when you use your anger and allow it to become this huge, big healing force, there's nothing that you can't change.
Lori DiGuardi:
Freedom is guaranteed. And so that fuels me because as a victim, and I see this a lot with women and men, but mostly women who have been victimized, they often aren't angry. You know, they miss their partners or I think about them all the time, which, and I get that because I was there, but we're disconnected from that anger and anger always has our back. So the book is my, the stories about my life as a victim and a pushover and as a bitch. And, you know, so it's not like a comical story. There's some humor in there, but it's, it's really a book that helps to give you permission to be who you really are and value what you really value. And if you don't know who you are and what you value, the book will also help you discover that. So it's all about connecting to your inner truth and wisdom, because when you're connected, then your life is on fire in a good way.
Lori DiGuardi:
You're the best entrepreneur. You're the playing really well. You're loving really well. You're living really well. That's what being free is all about. Yeah. Okay. So now I'll stop for a minute.
Lori DiGuardi:
That's it.
Suzanne Proksa:
I love it though. Well, any, when you were starting to talk too, I was like, oh, yeah, that's me. The pushover, you know, the person that they that people know is never gonna get mad. Always gonna forgive them, that kind of thing. And that's, it's funny you say that because that's actually something I've worked on over the last, you know, year or 2 when I've been going through my whole process as an entrepreneur and everything. You know, entrepreneurship can do amazing things for you in this regard, as you well know. Talk to me about that. Like for instance, what were some of the things that you actually did to get over that hurdle and get into a place where you were actually more comfortable with, you know, being a bitch and doing the things that you needed to do to make sure that people didn't step all over you and treat you like a doormat and that kind of thing?
Lori DiGuardi:
That's a great question. All of us. And this is like the first part of the answer to this is I always knew there was something more. So it was always whispering Lori or something more. So when I was a little girl and I was alone or being beat up or whatever was going on, there was that whisper. Life doesn't have to be this way. There's something more when I was a young woman and I worked in a factory and was dishonored in w you know, I was a number and I used to sit there and I was in a sewing factory and I would just like, do what I did, the fly, the men's underwear. And as my I know, isn't that wonderful? And I used to think, you know, there's something more for me.
Lori DiGuardi:
There's something more. And when I worked for bosses who treated me like crap, I used to think there's something more. And so, and when I was beat up, I mean, I was literally beat up. I had, I was physically violated for many years. I used to think there was something more, but I was so conditioned to be in a life where I was being abused. That that something more was just a little whisper until I became a mother. When I oh, I see all emotions. When I became a mother, it was like, it stops here.
Lori DiGuardi:
I will not allow my children to inherit this. And, you know, I did all kinds of therapy stuff. I did a lot of non traditional stuff. I mean, you name it, I've done it. And it was just this journey of personal discovery. And one of the things that I did that, that really connected me to the anger. Cause even when I got therapy, I was in therapy and my therapist said, Lord, take this bat, draw a picture of the XYZ, and just hit that bat and hit that picture. And I just couldn't, but I started karate And with karate, I learned right away that I deserve to be honored and you have to key up.
Lori DiGuardi:
So that's when you scream and you touch upon your power center. Wow. Did that feel good? I was embarrassed at first to scream, but then you couldn't stop me. And then we had a punch and kick and it just allowed all of this repressed energy to come out. So that I, that then I became, I had this inner karate so that I was able to start saying no to people and yes to myself. And I could start feeling a sensation of anger within me that that because anger, the energy of anger, isn't part of our inner truth. And I could start saying, no, that's not okay with me. Where before I was afraid to say that everybody was more important than me.
Lori DiGuardi:
So I said yes to the whole world and no to me. And I did a lot of good. I saved lives in Africa. I mean, I have done so many wonderful things for other people in my life. And now I've learned, oh, I learned some years ago and I'm still learning it. That when you honor yourself first as number one priority, not only are you doing an amazing thing for you, but then you can serve the world in a better way. You don't have to sacrifice your life for other people. And so it was a very painful journey for me.
Lori DiGuardi:
You know, it started when I had children and that was in the early nineties and then karate helped me. And then just really practicing, connecting to my inner truth and all of the beliefs I had about me that were bullshit. You know, we, all the oppression and limiting beliefs by society, by our government, but culture, religion, our families. Yeah. Being human is very complex. And I just wanna say this because it's coming out that no matter what you're doing in your life right now, if you're a pushover or you're a bitch or somewhere in between or something, it's okay. How you are right now is okay. If you hear that little voice of something more, that just means there's more discovery to do.
Lori DiGuardi:
There's more yesing to yourself to do.
Suzanne Proksa:
Absolutely. I love that. Now I'm feeling all empowered, like, okay, now I've gotta go do this,
Lori DiGuardi:
this, and this.
Suzanne Proksa:
I love it. So tell me, you said you were a TEDx speaker. How did you get into that? What drove you to that and made you say, oh my gosh, this, I have to do this.
Lori DiGuardi:
Yeah. So when I came to Tucson, I got rid of everything in Pennsylvania. I sold my property over 95% of everything. And I arrived with a couple suitcases. I didn't know anybody here. And, but I was drawn here. I didn't know if I even knew it was on the map, but I asked what, where am I going? And I got the message to Tucson. I thought, okay.
Lori DiGuardi:
So I came to Tucson. I'm an adventurer and I trust myself. I didn't use to trust myself, but now that I'm so connected to who I am and what I value, I trust myself. And I said, okay, who am I? Because everything that had defined me in Pennsylvania was gone. You know, I let go of all of that. And I thought, well, I'm a speaker. I love to speak. And I started looking at opportunities and that's when the TEDx opportunity appeared.
Lori DiGuardi:
And I found out they were accepting applications and the deadline was like in 2 days.
Suzanne Proksa:
Oh my gosh.
Lori DiGuardi:
So that's why I had to let, you know, for 24 hours is like all that stuff I told you in the beginning of our talk of how to find what my radical and unique idea was. In the past, when I was a young woman, I was petrified of speaking like a lot of people are. And I worked for a corporation where I had us teach, give presentate and presentations. I was a consultant and I was scared beyond I mean, I had no sense of self worth. I had no self confidence, nothing. But my job said, you need to speak in front of these customers and you need to teach them. So when I taught, I had to teach week long courses and the joke was, you know, you always had to keep them awake after lunch because everybody would go to sleep. And if you taught, if you taught the really awful courses, like database, you had to like really work your butt off on Wednesday because by that time, everybody wanted to get out of there.
Lori DiGuardi:
But what I found out was I was getting evaluations. We had to get evaluations every week. And my boss would call me into his office. His name was Rado And I worked for an international company, a German company. And he said, Laurie, look at this. People want you to teach the database course. Like they're saying that it's the best course they ever had. And like, no one liked it.
Lori DiGuardi:
No one wanted to take it. No one wanted to teach it. And all of a sudden this phenomenon happened where people wanted me to teach it. They wanted me to teach all their courses. And that's when I learned it didn't matter. It didn't matter how much I knew about databases. Cause I didn't know any more than anybody else. It didn't matter really what clothing I was wearing.
Lori DiGuardi:
What mattered was that I was being myself. And I know I've heard you speak about this. I was just showing up as me. And that was turning people on in a way it was, I have this natural ability to inspire and soak the fire. And so it wasn't anything about the databases. It was just about me being present with the people there and engaging with them and just shining the light that I am. And that was my first insight that, wow, I've got something going on here that I don't even have to try to do. And that was this speaking.
Lori DiGuardi:
And so over the years, I've spoken in so many different capacities to different audiences. And I always get the same experience, the response in my experiences. Like I am on fire on stage and people love when I speak to them. So that's why I wanted to do the TEDx when I found out about it. Because for years I had been watching TED Talks and I never thought I'd be a TED speaker. I mean, I'm a TEDx speaker, but I didn't, you know, and it also was the scariest talk I ever gave. I freaked out completely before that talk. I mean, I have never freaked out because I was so raw.
Lori DiGuardi:
I share personal stories and then the TED stage comes with a lot. What would be the word stigma or not pressure, but, you know, it's like, it's well known. So it really, it scared me, but I did it. So now I wanna do it again.
Suzanne Proksa:
Oh my gosh. Isn't that funny? It's like you have to get over that initial fear. And I think that's something I really want the audience to take in from this is that those things that terrify you do them because it gets easier the next time. And the crazy thing is you might actually love it later. You know, like me, for instance, I was just like everybody else terrified to go on Facebook live. And, you know, now you get me on a Facebook live and you couldn't drag me off of there with one of those. Yeah. Not shut up.
Suzanne Proksa:
And this, I would my roll of notes because I just don't stop. So not, nothing like a TEDx thing, but hey, you know,
Lori DiGuardi:
it's not the TEDx thing was my thing that scared me, but it could be anything. Right? And if we have still time out, you'd give me the heads up and we've got to close down. But one of the other things about granting freedom is that so many people think that they're wrong, that they're doing something wrong. Oh, why am I afraid? You know, 10X, my God, you should be loving that or being on Facebook live. That's easy. Of your computer. You're in front of your computer all day anyway. But the thing is whenever you do something different, I mean, you do engage your limbic system and your amygdala.
Lori DiGuardi:
I studied science in grad school. And what I learned is I had so I have so much compassion for being human. I mean, it's such a courageous thing for our souls to incarnate into human beings because we're so complex and our amygdala, our limbic system, everything new, every change that we embark upon is looked as danger. So it can be silly things. I mean, wearing a different pair of shoes that you have a more, you know, new style of shoes, what are people gonna think? You start freaking out. So you buy the old ones, right? So any little bit of change makes your limbic system go into high alert, unless you know how to engage your biology in a different way. And so there's, there's nothing wrong with you or anybody when you start freaking out or you're nervous, it is our biology. And if, if it's not working for you, it's working against you.
Lori DiGuardi:
And as I say, and I say this a lot, you can engage your biology to work for you once, you know, you have that choice. And to me, that's part of the recipe for freedom, knowing that you're okay and there's nothing wrong and you're doing exactly, the only thing you can do, because if there was another way to do something in the moment, we'd be doing it differently. This is the only way until we learn another way. So I always preach gentleness, be gentle with yourself.
Suzanne Proksa:
Yes. I, I posted a quote one day. It said, speak kindly to yourself. Somebody important is listening. That got so many likes and comments and, you know, a lot of people, relate to that, you know, because we don't always speak kindly to ourselves. It's just how we're raised and the environments that we're in and everything. Hard to get out of that. Mhmm.
Lori DiGuardi:
So, you
Suzanne Proksa:
know, we're talking about how people can get that freedom, you know, how they can free themselves from this. So do you have, like, maybe 3 three tips for people to just kind of help them at least start the process? Because we know it's a it's a Proksa. But maybe 3 tips to help them kind of get started and frame that, that mindset to get them.
Lori DiGuardi:
Yeah. Okay. So I wanna say the, one of the biggest things is to bring your energy into your body, right? Because when our energy is in our head and our brain is taking over, that's when our limbic system and our amygdala, the oldest part of our brain can drive us crazy. So when you find you're driving yourself crazy and saying negative things, maybe you're getting headaches or whatever it is, just stop, slow down, take a breath and get into your body. You'll feel your feet on the floor, bring your energy into your body because it's easier to change your mind with your body than changing your mind with your mind. Okay. So you could do affirmations out the wazoo, but if you're living in your head, it's it's gonna take a long time for those affirmations to take effect, maybe next lifetime. So I say, get into your body.
Lori DiGuardi:
It's a big deal. That's that's number 1. Number 2 is practice mindfulness, right? So rather than react to what's ever going on, when something starts bugging you or driving you crazy, or you wanna swear, point fingers, or call names, take that as an invitation to slow down and go inside back into your body. Right? So if you're already practicing being in your body, it'll be easier to practice mindfulness. And when something bugs you, take that as an invitation, like, oh, it's time to come back home. I need to notice something that's going on inside of me. And when you connect to the sensations in your body, instead of telling stories, you're honoring your truth because the sensations in your body, don't lie. Your head may tell you stories that are BS, but what's going on in your body is truth.
Lori DiGuardi:
Okay. So that's the second thing. And so get in your body practice mindfulness as an invitation to connect to your truth by really noticing what's going on. And the third one is to ask yourself, what is it that you need? So when something's pissing you off, frustrating you, you're feeling resentment, get into your body, see what's going on inside what you feel and ask yourself, what do I need right now? Because sometimes just asking the question will dissipate the energy and you have this inner peace. And sometimes you'll like, oh, I need to take a 10 minute nap, or I need to tell that person no, or I need to go buy some healthy food. But if we're busy focusing on the outside and what's frustrating us, what's what we're resenting, what we're angry at when we're focused on the outside, we're missing the profound wisdom that we always have access to. Right. And that's all about coming home.
Lori DiGuardi:
So those three things I just shared are all about coming home to self and that's how you live, work and play connected to inner truth and wisdom. The thing is it costs nothing. No one can take it away from you and it's always available.
Suzanne Proksa:
Very nice. Those are great tips. I can probably use those tomorrow. I could have used them today.
Lori DiGuardi:
Well, and I, you know, I just have to remind myself a lot as well because after you live, I mean, I'm 55. So after so many years of doing it one way, you know, you have like real estate and you have neural real estate and all these neural pathways that say, call yourself name, get pissed off, blame this person. So when you, when you learn an honorable and truthful way of living, your truth pulls you to it. And you also are in this practice of creating new habits, which means that you have it takes practice. It's like, you can't just cover it. Like if you have grand canyons of neural pathways in your brain, you can't just get rid of them. You have to build other grand canyons in your brain that are based on truth and honor. So even I you know, I practice this.
Lori DiGuardi:
I have to remind myself, slow down, go inside. It's a practice. That's why they call it a, you know, they, you know, and talk about mindfulness meditation, yoga, it's a practice. And it is. So what I just shared with you is a practice that I practice all a lot. Sometimes I forget, but I'm good at remembering now. So it's a part of who I am now. Now I've been doing it for so long.
Lori DiGuardi:
It's a part of who I am.
Suzanne Proksa:
Well, it's obviously worked very well.
Lori DiGuardi:
Well, thank you.
Suzanne Proksa:
So do you have anything else that you wanted to get across to the audience today?
Lori DiGuardi:
Oh, do you wanna steer me in any particular direction?
Suzanne Proksa:
Oh, I just, if you had any more tips you wanted to give them or anything you wanted to mention about yourself, otherwise, I'm sure that there are people out there watching slash listening, who would love to work with you because this had to resonate with a ton of people out there. And I'm sure they'd love to know where they can find you and, and hang out and work with you and all of that good stuff.
Lori DiGuardi:
Okay. Thank you. So I am almost all over on social media. So I have a personal Facebook page, a professional Facebook page. My name, Maureen Gardy. I'm on Instagram, Twitter. What else am I? YouTube. I have a YouTube channel.
Lori DiGuardi:
My website is my name, maurydeGardi. Com and I just launched my new website yesterday. So hopefully, hopefully it's working just perfectly. And I also have some freebies that would help. May I offer that share those?
Suzanne Proksa:
Absolutely. So
Lori DiGuardi:
I have 4 freebies on my website. That'll help you feel better, live better, and even speak better. And 3 of them are PDFs and one of them is an audio. So one of them is an intro to mindfulness with 10 simple practices. So you can practice the three things that I, or the first two things I mentioned. The the other one is the wheel of life. It's a very common coaching tool. It's a 1 page PDF.
Lori DiGuardi:
It shows you where if you're not fulfilled, it'll show you where and why. And it'll help you discover how you can honor your truth and what you value more. I have an audio that's only 4 and a half minutes, and that helps you ground yourself in your body. So you can listen to that anytime you need to just slow down and get connected. That's on my website. And then the other thing, if you're Suzanne, and this can even help you if you're speaking on Facebook live or doing YouTube videos, it's called speak with authority and authentic power. It helps you, with all the things that I've learned over the years, how to really, you know, be in your truth and what you value and have the skills to present them in a way that makes people lean in. So that's a free PDF too, and you have to give your email address for those things, but they, and I would hope that they would help you if that resonates.
Lori DiGuardi:
And so I'm all over social media. Those are my gifts. Yeah. So just reach out. And I have a Facebook group called from inner truth to freedom, a global and movement of women. I started that a few months ago, a safe place where you can really explore what that means.
Suzanne Proksa:
Nice. Very nice. So you're easy to find.
Lori DiGuardi:
Yeah. I'm all over the place. Oh, and my 10 x. So you can just put my name in the Google search engine and find the TEDx talk. It's 13 minutes long.
Suzanne Proksa:
Oh, nice. That's awesome. Very cool. Well, you come highly recommended. So. So
Lori DiGuardi:
thank you for saying so.
Suzanne Proksa:
Yes. Yes. I have more than one person saying you've gotta get her. So, well, thank you so much for being on today. It was super fun and I, I know myself, I definitely very helpful, very excited to have you here. Very helpful, very excited to have you here. So have a wonderful evening. And I know I will see you around in my group and probably yours as well.
Lori DiGuardi:
Thank you for having me here. It was a lot of fun to hang out with you.
Suzanne Proksa:
Definitely. Super fun. We might have to do it again.
Suzanne Proksa:
I hope that you loved this episode. If you did give me those shout outs, show me some love on iTunes, give me a rating and hey, if you wanna know where to find me, you can find me on pretty much all social media at suzanneproksa that's suzanneproksa and Proksa. And you can also head over to my website suzann probsa.com. Until then, I'll
Suzanne Proksa:
see you in the next episode, and here is the parte music for you.
