Suzanne Proksa:
Welcome to the Suzanne show with me, Suzanne Proxa, HR and business strategist, former featured Etsy seller, plant addict, concert lover, gardener, landscaper in training, and human straight up obsessed with helping others and cheering on women. Here, we talk a little business, personal development, women's health, and a whole lot about things that matter, help people, and give them joy. Grab your coffee or your wine, Break out one of your hundreds of notebooks. Light that soy candle, and let's dive in. Hello, my beloved Suzanne show guests. I am Suzanne Proxa, your hostess, and I am here with Nikki Steele Asborn today. Nikki is a coach, a speaker, a course creator, and she has been through quite a bit. And that is what brings her here today to talk about her story and hopefully help others with their journey as well.
Suzanne Proksa:
So Nikki, I'm going to turn it over to you to give a more proper introduction to who you are and what you do.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Hi, Suzanne. Thank you so much for having me today. Hi everyone. Hi, I'm Nikki Steele Osborne, otherwise known as the Scottish Soul System. And I am here to support maternal mental health with simple, sustainable self care. The path that brought me here was one that many of us experienced. You know, we often have episodes of feelings of depression or anxiety, but it was following the birth of my son in 2017 and experiencing postpartum depression. It really was the catalyst for me to change my life, and that was professionally and personally.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
I was previously a hairdresser, so I guess that was my training of being a coach, listening to everyone as they got into the chair and told me all their all their stuff. And I've lived overseas for the last 16 years. I'm very evidently Scottish. But for the last 16 years, I've been in Jakarta, Indonesia, Tivak, Montenegro, and Lataly, Dubai in the UAE. So during all of these transitions and not having the proximity to family and friends, you know, becoming a mom was a massive transition. And for 18 months, I experienced feelings of disconnect. Sadness, I was angry. You know? I was losing time with my my precious boy with all these negative emotions.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
And finally, when I reached out, it was a coach who helped me and got me back on the right tracks. And since then, I have gone down a rabbit hole of learning and studying and implementing, which brings me here today so that I can pay it forward and share some of the the tips and tools that I have learned along the way. And which having known before having my son may have actually helped.
Suzanne Proksa:
So Nikki, it sounds like you've had quite a mental health journey.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Tell us about it and how you got here. Mental health is something that unless we do some personal development, unless we understand our ourselves, it can be really tough to navigate. And I strongly believe now in the power of building habit that support us based on a better understanding of ourselves, which is why I created the online program, stepping into parenthood, because what we may read or research perhaps is useful for 1 person, but we're all unique. So we need things that are gonna benefit us. And that was why I decided to then invite people to to do the personal development, to do things where they will understand what their driving human need is. You know, we each have 6 human needs. And when they are not being met in one way or another, this is where we can feel anxious or down. And these have been my discoveries in the last, you know, 5, 6 years.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Upon reflection, when I look back on my life in the previous episodes of feeling down and feeling anxious, you know, they make way more sense now. But I just I didn't understand it. And and you don't know what you don't know. Right? And that is why I put myself into this arena to to help people, to point them in that direction. And even more so, as the the Internet and the resources are so accessible, they are at the tip of our fingers. But what also comes with that can be some overwhelm. You know, we can find all these resources and just not know where to start. So for me, it's to keep it simple.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
And I find all my habits are simple and, you know, I implement things in my own life that are sustainable because I feel that that is where the foundations lie to improve our mental well-being.
Suzanne Proksa:
I am so glad that you are doing this work. I think it is so important for people to have that help because, like you said, people don't know what they don't know. One thing that I have found just being a coach and strategist and HR person and all the things myself is that people often assume that you don't have issues anymore, that you don't have anything going on yourself, that you're just fantastic and all of those things, you know, and I think that we see this in the news. And when we see things going on with even celebrities, you know, and people are so shocked because, you know, they look like everything is just going so well with that mini little introduction to my question. What I would really like to know is, do you still experience bad days yourself with your mental and emotional health.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Yeah. Question for my husband who has to bear witness to those days, of course. Of course, we all have bad days. We are constantly stimulated by, you know, external things that are going on around us. Right? You know, we watch the news and we can see the most heart wrenching stories. We can go on social media and we can pull the comparison card. Everyone has their life way more together. You know, their waist line is smaller, whatever it may be.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
So, yes, of course, we all have bad days, and that is where I I think when people are doing their marketing and, you know, their PR work and, you know, we you've gotta be careful. You're in a position of responsibility, and to create a false end result is is misleading. You know? So I try to always make sure that with my clients and, you know, during the social media presence, that I share the times when it's tough. What I have found, this is where the magic lies. This is not a promise. You know, I am not Mary Poppins. I am not gonna wave a wand and magic make everything okay. The the things that are getting on top of you will still remain.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
But it's how we navigate and how we respond that have the power. That is where it lies. Right? So, for example, you know, my son can come and present the same behavior to me. He's 5 years old and he is constantly hungry. So there will be times when he will come and he will say, mom, I'm hungry. I'm hungry. And I'll say, oh my goodness, you're always hungry. What can I get you to eat? But then there's other days where he can come and say, mom, I'm hungry.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
I'm hungry. And I'll say, well, for goodness sake, you've just had something. You know? He has brought the same behavior, but my response has been different. And that is based on my own emotional and mental health at that given moment. So to navigate the challenges is where the the power lies. And how we do that is by constructing a framework that supports us individually. For me, I massively advocate for morning routine. I I really believe that how you start your day, your intention, and your your priming, you know, has a massive impact on how the rest of your day goes out.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
So to answer your question, yes, Susan. I still have bad days.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for the honesty in that response. I'm sure that that is incredibly helpful to a lot of listeners to realize that they are not alone in that, that there are other people who struggle with this as well, even the experts. I think that that is important that people really understand that. I wanted to make sure that we talk about postpartum depression because it's such a significant issue. It's just one of those things I just don't think that we talk about enough. So how prominent is it? And are we making any progress as far as making it more acceptable for women to talk about.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
This is not discussed enough, and therein lies much of the the problem. If you had a broken leg, you would go to the doctor and they would put a cast on the leg to to assist with the healing. However, when it comes to, you know, ladders of our mental health, they're often very well hidden. And postpartum is very well hidden because people don't acknowledge that it's going on. Because what it carries are are emotions, you know, and feelings of shame, of humiliation. We don't want to admit, you know, we have these expectations of ourselves that are so high. And because it's not discussed often enough, we then fall into a world where there are sugarcoaters and scaremongers. You know, there are people who don't want to share any of the, perhaps, negative connotations to having a child.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
You don't want to scare someone, especially when they're they're expecting. You know? We want to live with that hope and optimism and and the beauty that surrounds having a new baby. So these guys sugar coat, and they they don't like to say anything. And then you've got the other ones who sometimes are very real, and they may share every detail of their birth story or, you know, that they have had depression and share only the dark. And they're the scaremongers. So it's a really difficult field to to navigate, you know, to to work our way through. So I like to separate those. And what I say is that to be armed, to have information, to have tools, that's the answer.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
You know, that's the answer for everything is to have an education behind it. And I feel that we educate new mothers on how to, you know, feed the baby. We have a lot of sleep coaches how to help the baby sleep. We have people who are lactation, you know, that are covered during your your prenatal classes. That are covered during your your prenatal classes. But the mental health is still we're still having to work on this and raise awareness. And to normalize talking about it, it's one of the biggest transitions in your life, you know, is to become a parent. And the statistics are not accurate because often it goes undiagnosed, you know, and this is where I feel that they need to have better tools and be better equipped.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
So when you go to your prenatal, I personally think you should then have a toolkit. You should have something to work through that just raises the awareness as to how you can best look after your own mental and emotional well-being. And all that kicks in to being a parent and to, you know, being a husband or a wife, but it starts with you. Everything I focus on is not only for birth mothers. You know, the impact of bringing a a new child into the house occurs for the the fathers, for the partners. If you're a foster parent, an adoptive parent, you know, anything that changes the dynamic within the household, such as bringing in a new child, then I think everyone should be prepared for. And, again, normalize in talking about the challenges that can arise as we try and bring up these little people.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for that, Nikki. Super, super helpful. As an HR person, I just have to ask this question. Do you have any thoughts on what workplaces can do to support women as they go through postpartum depression? And to take that a step further, is there anything that workplaces can do to help spouses as well? Yeah, absolutely.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
The the workplace can support in a practical sense. You know, if someone is having a baby, whether they are on maternity or paternity, it would be wonderful if they could then have a sit down meeting and discuss expectation of the workload. You know, if they are gonna be reducing their hours, what shifts are going to occur? If they are, you know, reducing their hours, then the expectations need to be managed and perhaps some assistance in breaking down, you know, the the workload and helping someone just navigate because this is one of the things. You know? There's a a term called kaizen, which I love. And what it says is continuous improvement, small and continuous improvement. And it very much, you know, leads to breaking things down. When you become a parent, you know, there can be a lot of overwhelm and a lot of shift where you have gone from perhaps being a career person, you're working and you have your wife and you have a routine And all of a sudden that routine is appended. Your sleep is disrupted.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
You know, these things have an impact on our clarity and how we can go about our our regular tasks. But I think if employers could come with some flexibility and support to make people understand that they are seen and they are heard and they are valued and that, yes, there there are times where we have to be a little more gentle with ourselves, and having a baby is one of those times. So employers could you know, I speak to a lot of corporate companies with regards to using my program as a resource. You know? So I'm sure I'm not the only one who has something available on the market. So for employers to, yes, take a look into the mental health aspects, I feel that companies are getting better at work life balance and, you know, supporting the emotional and mental health of their employees. But this is another layer, you know, so I think that they can look at that. Providing that support can make a massive difference to someone who is transitioning into peer group.
Suzanne Proksa:
Nikki, what are the main practices you hold responsible for creating the foundations of better mental health?
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Education and opening that within a household preparation of what is coming to the household with this new child. You know? So I often do and still do, my husband and I, at our weekend, we will prepare our meal plan for the week, which just helps with brain space. You know, who else is sick of saying, what do you want for dinner tonight? So plan ahead. And it's also great for budget because it stops you from falling into that trap of, oh, we'll just get takeaway. We spend more money. It's not so healthy. So preparation for the practical things in the household, scheduling your time, you know, looking at your time frames and prioritizing. We often try to manage everything.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
We like to juggle all those balls and sometimes it's looking and saying, okay, can I put this ball down just now? Could I delegate this? Can we outsource? What can we do just now to just make the load lighter? Morning routine, I already spoke about that. My morning routine means that when I wake up, I do not lift my phone straight away. So anyone who's listening, who is first action of the day is to lift their phone, please stop. Give yourself time for your brain to prime for the day. And what I do is a 7 minute low impact workout, and it just helps me to stretch out my body and change my physical state from sleeping to coming into the day. And it's a great way to start the day. That for me has been my biggest foundation because it incites clarity, so I tend to make better decisions. My mood is better.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
And especially if you are not getting much sleep, you know, that can be tough if you're up and down with a baby all night. So getting these routines in place is good for you. It's good for the children, you know, they thrive on routine and boundaries. Getting outside, you know, letting in a natural light. It's to me, a combination of small pieces that come together like a jigsaw, and they create the premise for your day and how it's gonna go. I think we all know if we start off on a bad foot, we can spiral. You know, we get upset about everything, don't we? If we go in and we're feeling more optimistic and we're feeling more positive, then we tend to generate that energy and then attract, you know, things that are more beneficial and less overwhelming.
Suzanne Proksa:
Hey, y'all. Did you know that I offer tip jar specials every month where you can get something cool for tipping the podcast? If you are loving the episode or the podcast in general, head over to tip [email protected] and check out this month's options. VIPs also get special access to events with my guests. Thank you for letting me cut in. And now let's get back to the episode. Okay. So you have a program called stepping into parenthood, and I would love to know, first of all, more about the program for our listeners. Also, why did you decide to create the program?
Nikki Steele Osborne:
As my other baby, when I began studying as a coach, the intention was to talk to people and to support them. And much of what I I remember was that I find it really difficult to reach out. During that time when I was struggling with postpartum depression, it was hard to verbalize. And this was where the idea for the program came into play. This is something that people can go online. They purchase it, and it's theirs to work through as and when they choose without accountability or time constraints. Many coaches work from the premise of accountability, and, you know, I understand it. It's there for a reason.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
But given that when you're a new parent, you're sometimes not accountable for brushing your own teeth. It can be difficult to then sign up to extensive, you know, sessions or the other side was, you know, from a budget perspective, I wanted to be affordable because I know that for many, you know, they go to one salary when there is a baby in the home and babies are expensive. Right? They they need all this stuff. They're only little, but they need so much stuff. So I wanted to be affordable. The course came about rather than perhaps writing a book because I wanted people to create a tool for themselves, unique to them and their family. So the worksheets are prompts. You know, I am sharing my and it's my personal information that I've put up there.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
And the worksheets are there for you to then replicate, but make it your own. And it gives you a visual tool, which is always good to to go back to. I think, you know, when you write things down, it's cathartic, and it gives you something to reflect upon and to remind yourself when you're in a fuzz, you know, sometimes our brains don't see and don't remember all these things, which is why when it's down in front of you, it can prompt you and just keep you navigating your way through those tough days. You know? What I have to say is that it's not all tough days. It's one of the most beautiful things that you'll ever do. But on those tough days, we forget. That's all. And I am just here to serve as a reminder.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for that, Nikki. So now that we have the rundown of what the program is all about, and listeners are probably really intrigued by, you know, what you do and how you may be able to help. How do people reach out to you? How do they find you? What's your favorite social media? Where do they find out about the the program and and all of those good things?
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Found at www. The scottish soul sister.com. When you go to the website, you will then find your preferred social media platform. I would say I'm most prevalent on Instagram, Facebook, and the program is on there. Everything is there. You can reach out to me, and I offer a free consultation. So even if you just want to grab a coffee and jump onto a Zoom call, I'm happy to schedule that in and see if we can help. If I am not the right person to help, if I feel that there'd be another beneficial way of addressing it, then I would, you know, recommend someone else or advise as to next steps.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
What I would say, if you or someone around you seems to be struggling, if it's getting out of hand, please seek medical advice. You know, none of this exceeds medical advice. And, you know, we have to be aware of postpartum psychosis, which needs medical intervention to keep the BNB safe and to keep the lungs safe. So being aware, again, not scare tactics, simply raising awareness. So So if you're worried about someone, you know, go and seek medical advice as well. If this is a preparation whilst you're pregnant, then, yes, this is the ideal time to start just planting those seeds as to how you can best support your show.
Suzanne Proksa:
All right, Nikki. We are to my favorite question of all of my episodes, and that is what are the 2 or 3 things that you want people to take away from this episode and your experience?
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Yeah. Don't over complicate it. Simplicity has beauty. So sit down and make things as simple as you can for yourself. I also think that humor is a massive tool. You know, these are serious topics and serious emotions. I'm here to to show you that, you know, humor can help us get through them and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And I am massively, you know, showcasing this.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Like we said earlier, we still have bad days, but I have found that these are the tips and tools that have helped me to come out into a different place. My last thing would probably be to embrace evolving. When we become a parent, we are often led to believe we must bounce back to our pre baby weight. We must bounce back to our career. You know, there's an awful lot of bouncing back. And I would say, let's embrace moving forward and evolving. You're different now. When you're a parent, you are different.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Your priorities change. You know, you just feel different. Biologically, for a birth mother, you're different. Your DNA has been impacted. So when we evolve and we move forward rather than trying to bounce back, I think it leads us to being kinder to ourselves and to enjoying the journey instead of always looking for an answer. You know, it's enjoying this journey. Becoming a parent has been the most amazing thing that I have ever done. It was one of the only things I ever wanted to do, and I am now in a place where I enjoy it so much.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
I enjoy his company. I enjoy his laughter. You know, even when he's angry, he's cute. This is the thing. That's why they make them cute. Right? To make it easier. So you're involved. Don't worry about jumping back.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
Let's move forward.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for being on the episode, Nikki. I think that the audience has definitely walked away with some amazing information. And so I appreciate your time. Keep doing this work and we will talk soon.
Nikki Steele Osborne:
And to anyone who has been listening, thank you for listening in, and I hope that that you can get some value from it. And I'm wishing you all a wonderful day.
Suzanne Proksa:
I hope that you loved this episode. If you did, give me those shout outs, show me some love on iTunes, give me a rating. And, hey, if you wanna know where to find me, you can find me on pretty much all social media at suzanneproxa. That's s u z anneproxsa and you can also head over to my website suzanneprosa.com. Until then, we'll see you in the next episode and here is the parte music for you.
