Suzanne Proksa:
Welcome to the Suzanne show with me, Suzanne Proksa, HR and business strategist, former featured Etsy seller, plant addict, concert lover, gardener, landscaper in training, and human straight up obsessed with helping others and cheering on women. Here, we talk a little business, personal development, women's health, and a whole lot about things that matter, help people, and give them joy.
Sandra Cooze:
Grab your coffee or your wine, Break out one of your hundreds of notebooks. Light that soy candle, and let's dive in.
Suzanne Proksa:
Welcome to another episode of the Suzanne show. My friends, I am really pumped to be talking to Sandra Coos today. The title of this episode is crush the glass ceiling and limited beliefs. I am here for it. Sandra is an intuitive mentor and coach certified trauma healer, Reiki master and teacher and published author. She created the full circle trauma healing method, a multimodality approach that supports healing, not only the trauma triggers PTSD and limiting and condition beliefs her clients had to experience, but also the trauma they carried on from their ancestors and generations past Her recently published book journey to yourself, how to heal from trauma takes the reader on a journey through the mysteries of trauma and the effects it can have on the body, mind, and spirit while unraveling the concept of trauma. She lists helpful tools, leaves room for notes and encourages her readers to work through the unique exercises she lists to them on their healing journey. Sandra, I am feeling so blessed to have you here today.
Suzanne Proksa:
And before we dive into the questions, I would love for you to just talk a little bit more about yourself and what got you here today and doing this work?
Sandra Cooze:
So much for having me. It's an honor to be here. Well, how did I get here? 1st and foremost, I'm a trauma survivor. I was sec I was molested when I was 12. I was actually arrested at the age of 14. I was bullied in school between the age of 16 17. I was sexually assaulted between the age of 19 25, and I was raped at 22. And if that wasn't enough, the psychologist that I saw couple years after I was raped dismissed me after my first session with the words, I believe you already have worked through it all.
Sandra Cooze:
What am I supposed to do? Now that's led me to hitting rock bottom. But the thing with rock bottom is the only way is up, But you have to choose to climb up. And I chose to climb up. And I fully healed from my trauma. I learned so much about trauma and healing and trauma itself on my own healing journey. And this turned into a purpose and a passion for helping other people do the same.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for giving us some more insight into how you got here. What what a story. I mean, that had to be incredibly difficult to work through. And so, again, feeling very blessed to have you here to talk to people and help others as well who may have been through something similar. So let's start with the low hanging fruit. The easy question, what are limiting and conditioned beliefs? Are the
Sandra Cooze:
beliefs that we were taught. Let's say for me, for example, I was brought up with the belief that self rights stinks, which means I was not allowed to be proud of myself because it's a bad thing. So me growing up in Germany, post war, people were you know, the only thing that had left was their pride, and you can see that in the elderly. That was all they had left, their pride. And so I could see him walking with a sad face, but still head held high. And my grandmother always taught me self pride stinks. Or when I said I was proud of myself for having a good grade in school, And she was like, oh, careful. The ceiling is coming down.
Sandra Cooze:
Things like that. So this was very yeah. It was almost traumatizing because feeling proud of myself was a bad thing. So when I felt proud of myself, I felt guilty right after because it was a big no no. On the other hand, I wasn't allowed to be as proud as I wanted to be of other people. But this causes huge issues because I then had to ask people, are you proud of me To validate my feeling of pride that was so bad for something I accomplished. And that is a huge limiting belief caused by our upbringing. And most of our limiting and condition beliefs come from our upbringing.
Sandra Cooze:
They come from our childhood. They come from school, from our classmates, from teachers, from people around us, not just our parents and grandparents. But limiting beliefs are created because of our parents and grandparents' mindset that is also based on trauma. Because now as I completely released all that and I'm raising my son, I don't use those same limiting beliefs because I work through them and release them. So now I can empower my son instead of making him limit himself. Can you
Suzanne Proksa:
explain what it means that we are limitless while at the same time limiting ourselves?
Sandra Cooze:
Because yes, we are limitless. There is no limit to what we can achieve. The only thing that limits us is our limiting beliefs, which means the more you release the limiting beliefs that keep you in a mindset of lack or fear, the easier it gets to reach your goals, to fulfill your dreams. As an example, fear of failure. Fear of failure has nothing to do with failure at all because by now we know failure technically doesn't exist. It just shows us a way it doesn't work. So what is fear of failure? Fear of failure is the fear of what other people may think. Just imagine this little a little kid who is out running around and falling, hitting his knees.
Sandra Cooze:
Mother is there, kid starts crying. But then, kid is falling, mother is not watching. Kid is looking around, no one therapy tool, I have to cry, and keeps on running and playing. That, for example. The fear of what other people may think if we are perceived to have failed. You know that I told you so from our parents, Like, don't do that. You will fail. And then you do it anyways.
Sandra Cooze:
And I was like, I told you so. And that is the fear of failure. The same with the fear of success. The fear of success is the fear that the success is getting so bright that we end up failing or can't handle it. That's limiting belief. So we are limiting us with fear. But if we didn't have that fear, if you work through it, push through, stretched our limits, we would realize that with the right mindset, we can achieve whatever we want. And that shows that we are limitless on what we can achieve as long as we don't limit us with our own limited mindset.
Sandra Cooze:
Absolutely fascinating. So
Suzanne Proksa:
how do you realize that you've hit a glass ceiling? Are there signs or symptoms? You know, what are we what are we looking for? Tell you
Sandra Cooze:
how I feel whenever I hit the glass ceiling. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like, going in circles and nothing is working. And then I also fear the next step. So we always hit the glass ceiling when we're ready to grow because then we have to outgrow ourselves time and time again. We have to stretch our limiting beliefs to them so that they work with us in the next level. So let's say for example, the last time I had to stretch my glass ceiling was when I decided to start my YouTube channel. Because as much as I love podcasts, as much as I love interviews and talking about trauma healing and everything surrounding that, staring into a camera and just basically talking to myself was very intimidating.
Sandra Cooze:
And so of course, the way I recorded and talked was not natural. It felt staged. I was intimidated. I was feeling uncomfortable. I was feeling very vulnerable thinking about, well, who's going to listen to that? Who wants to know my knowledge? All of those things. These are limiting beliefs and I had to push through them. So the thing is you have to understand first, what your limiting beliefs are, what you're dealing with. Usually it's some kind of fear.
Sandra Cooze:
It could be imposter syndrome. It's very classic. It could be Yeah. Again, fear of failure or fear of being seen, fear of being heard. But if you push through and do it anyways, challenge yourself, you're stretching those limiting beliefs and they break apart. They're not completely gone. They're still there, but they are now working for the next level. And then you're in the next level and everything's flowing again and everything is great.
Sandra Cooze:
But as with everything you are in life, you keep on growing. And the more you grow, the more ceilings you have to push through because every time you release more limiting beliefs. So my next ceiling could be giving a talk at TEDx because this is one of my dreams. Getting on stage and spreading hope. That healing from trauma is not only possible, but it's the best thing you could ever do for yourself and your children. I'm working on getting there, but once I'm there and right before that first talk on stage to thousands of people, I will have a glass ceiling to shatter again. But I'm prepared for that. And so as you realize that your fear or limiting beliefs are stopping you from moving forward, you're gonna hit the glass ceiling and you have to push through because what is the worst that can happen? You stumble over your words.
Sandra Cooze:
So what? People like authenticity. So be authentic and don't let your fear stop you.
Suzanne Proksa:
Okay. So the really important question then is how can we push through? How do we push through this glass ceiling so that we can grow and you and evolve and keep going.
Sandra Cooze:
The first thing we have to do is to realize that we hit the glass ceiling. And we realized that by noticing that we're feeling stuck, That, yeah, that's nothing seems to be working. We feel like we can't move forward. We don't want to go back, obviously. So what is it that's stopping us? A lot of times we just have to make a decision. We have to decide what to do moving forward. And usually that decision is something that terrifies us. But that's how we stress our comfort zone and push to the glass ceiling by doing it anyways.
Sandra Cooze:
I talk about this in my book too, simply because there are no limits. We're setting our limits. There's a really great saying that goes, whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you are right. So it's up to you to choose. Then something that I live by is never say I cannot do it. It's part of a poem that my mother wrote in my poetry book when I was younger. And I live by those words every day. I try everything at least once.
Sandra Cooze:
And it's incredible how much I will able to accomplish simply by trying, by challenging myself. Because if you just look at something, let's say, we just moved into a new house and we have cathedral ceilings, 16 foot ceilings. And if I had moved up and said, I can't paint that. The house still wouldn't be painted. So I said, no, I'm going to try and have a big ladder. My husband standing on the bottom, holding the ladder, and I'm going to paint because he's scared of heights. And I didn't simply because I challenged myself to try. So if we already believe we're going to fail before we have even tried, we will never be able to push from those glass ceilings because we have no faith in ourselves.
Sandra Cooze:
And that's what has to happen. We have to have faith that we can do it. And of course, be okay if we reach our limits. I know my limits and I'm comfortable with them. But at the same time, when I get too comfortable with my limits, I try and stretch them. That's how they push through glass ceilings. That's how we grow. That's how we can challenge ourselves confidently time and time again.
Suzanne Proksa:
Hey, y'all. Did you know that I offer tip jar specials every month? Where you can get something cool for tipping the podcast? If you are loving the episode or the podcast in general, head over to tip jar.vip or the podcast page at the suzanshowpodcast.com and check out this month's options. VIPs also get special access to events with my guests. Thank you for letting me cut in and now let's get back to the episode. Okay. So I have to ask this question. You know, we more often talk about a glass ceiling for women at at work. So how does this how does this relate to that?
Sandra Cooze:
When we think about it, it goes back to our primal instinct. Men are the protectors, the hunters, well, taking care of the family, financially going to work, bringing the money and everything. And women are the nurturers, who nurture the children, who nurture their husband, taking care of the home. But then again, this is only the very basic primal instinct. You can do that and work with your gifts because we're not all meant to have our parents. We're all meant to marry. So where does that leave us? The thing that we were never taught is that we all have our own gifts that we bring to this world. We're all of our own purpose in this life, but we're so pushed into what society tells us we should be or how I should behave, that we don't even have the chance to figure out who we are.
Sandra Cooze:
And that's where the glass ceiling is coming in because at some point, women will feel that there is more to them, that there should be more that I can be doing. Let's say for me, my gift is understanding trauma. It just makes sense to me, which means I can help people through it because it simply makes sense. Even though I never, I never studied it, never went to school for it, but it just makes total sense. Now other people have to sing with food. They know exactly which foods to eat in order for your body to be in a condition that can heal itself. Other women have other gifts, but they have to learn not to limit themselves to what they were taught. I mean, that's all.
Sandra Cooze:
This is 19 fifties anymore. Right? So we were taught that we're supposed to take care of our family, our husbands, of our children, which is all well and good, but who's taking care of us? No one, because we're the care care caretakers. We're the matriarchs of the family. So no one is taking care of us because no one is there. And that's the problem. So we need to take care of ourselves. We need to our mind, our body, our soul. And by doing that, we more and more become who we are, releasing honest limiting beliefs and realizing there's so much more to us.
Sandra Cooze:
And when we live our purpose, we feel fulfilled. We fulfill our role as mother. We fulfill our role as a wife. We fulfill our role as a hair picker, and we fulfill the role of taking care of ourselves and doing what we love most.
Suzanne Proksa:
Alright. Another question for you. We hear about flow all the time, in the online space. And I'm wondering what does being in divine flow actually mean?
Sandra Cooze:
Being in divine flow is a very interesting concept and goes against everything we have been taught. And I kinda like that. So any business coach will tell you, you have to push and grind and push and grind and push and grind. You have to work your butt off day and night to get to where you want to be. Well, I strongly disagree because it may get you to success, but you will also be completely burnt out. You will have no time with your family. You will be exhausted at the end of the day. You will dream, eat, sleep, your business.
Sandra Cooze:
That's not healthy. And who says that being successful means working hard? You do. If you believe this is how it has to be. That's another limiting belief that you have to grind and work hard to make it in the world. That's not true. At least in my world, it isn't. So working in divine flow, being in flow with the universe is a very simple concept. So whenever you feel you're going in circles, you're feeling stuck, like you can't move forward and your business or your life has been stagnant, it's because you haven't made a decision.
Sandra Cooze:
The universe is waiting for you to decide, to make a decision and move in that direction. So when you have different options, pick 1. Preferably the one that will get you the farthest or that's the most terrifying because that will get you the farthest. So you make a decision and you move towards it. And then the universe will, will bring in the rest. So we'll guide you to the next chapter in your life based on your decision. Because when you just push and grind and push and grind, you don't see what's left or right and outside your visual field. There are so many opportunities you're going to miss if you just know to push and grind instead of relaxing after making a decision and allowing the universe to bring it in.
Sandra Cooze:
You'll have so many options coming in if you only wait a moment. And then this will unfold your business in ways you haven't even realized because your business was meant to grow with you. My business has evolved so many times in the last 4 years. It's still the same, seeing the same subject. It's all about trauma hearing, but it has expanded into generational trauma, into ancestral trauma, into healing the soul because all of this is connected. Because I made a decision and then allowed the universe to help me. So whenever you feel you're stuck, you're stagnant, nothing is moving. You feel like you're losing clients rather than getting them? It's decision time.
Sandra Cooze:
Something has to change. And deep down, you already know what this is, but you're afraid to move in that direction. You are procrastinating. But then again, procrastination doesn't exist. It's only an excuse for something we don't want to do. So when you feel you're procrastinating, ask yourself, why? What am I trying to avoid? And once you know that you focus exactly on this and get it done and things will flow again. And that's a divine flow and it will be so beneficial for your mental health. It will be so beneficial for your business because it can take your business to a height didn't even know it was possible.
Sandra Cooze:
Just being slow and allow yourself to make a decision and move with that and then just wait what's coming
Suzanne Proksa:
in. Okay. So we have covered, I mean, quite a bit. This is a really powerful episode. You'll realizing what limits us and, you know, learning about what divine flow means. I mean, this could be a real deal breaker for a lot of people to help them start moving forward. And I'm sure that there there are people that want to know how to reach out to you and get some more help with these things. So how do they find you? And do you happen to have, you know, any special things that you want to offer to the audience today?
Sandra Cooze:
Well, if you would like to reach out and learn more about me, the best place would be my website, which is riseaboveyourstory.com. You can also find me on my YouTube channel, Sandra Cruz and Filtered. You should find me on LinkedIn, Twitter, under Sandra Cruz. On Facebook, under Rise Above Your Story. But I guess my website is the best place since I'm not really too often on my Facebook or anywhere else. And, yeah, what I would like to offer you today is free through video mini course on how to release an emotional trigger. This is such an important subject because once you understand that you're being triggered and have the tools to release it yourself, your life will become so much easier because you're no longer trapped in your trigger. You're no longer controlled by your trigger and you can begin healing your trauma.
Suzanne Proksa:
Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Thank you for sharing that information. So, like I said, we have covered a lot today, and I am wondering if you have 2 or 3 things that you really want to make sure that the audience walks away with today. I always call these the things they need to write down in their notebook, but it may hey. Maybe in this case, we're using sticky note and we're pasting them up on the the mirror and things like that. I don't know.
Suzanne Proksa:
You tell me, but 2 maybe 2 to 3 things, or if you have more, we'll take them.
Sandra Cooze:
First thing is trauma is not a life sentence. You have the power to heal. And then self care is very important. It will be a challenge, but challenge yourself to take care of yourself and watch how your life becomes more balanced. And then you are limitless. The only thing that limits you is your limited mindset. So push through every glass ceiling you face. Don't be afraid.
Sandra Cooze:
Keep pushing through and you will see how much life is going to open up for you.
Suzanne Proksa:
Sandra, thank you so much for your time today and, you know, being so helpful in talking about this important topic. I'm sure that this has helped quite a few people out there that listen to the podcast, and I am so appreciative of of your time and your expertise that you have blessed us with today. So thank you so much. And I look forward to seeing you again very, very soon.
Sandra Cooze:
Thank you so much, Suzanne. It has been a pleasure being here, and I'm looking forward to speaking with you further.
Suzanne Proksa:
I hope that you loved this episode. If you did, give me those shout outs, show me some love on iTunes, give me a rating, and, hey, if you wanna know where to find me, you can find me on pretty much all social media at Suzanne. That's s u z anneproxsa and you can also head over to my website suzanneprosa.com. Until then, I'll see you in the next episode and here is parte music for you.
