Suzanne Proksa:
Welcome to the Happy Healthy and Rich podcast, formerly the Suzanne show. I developed the happy, healthy, and rich brand in 2016 to help women just like you have some real discussions about personal development, navigating the ins and outs of being a woman, women's health, and how to find more joy. Come on in, friend. I'm Suzanne Proxza, multitalented founder, SeussPro Innovations, and I'm proud to serve women, online business, and to the people ops HR community. I'm also a former featured Etsy seller, plant addict, concert lover, gardener, and human straight up obsessed with helping others and cheering on women. Grab your coffee or your wine. Break out one of your hundreds of notebooks. Yes.
Suzanne Proksa:
I see you. Light that soy candle and let's dive in. Hello friends. Today, we are talking abundance. One of my favorite topics. And we are speaking with Nicole Harmony who creates and holds space for others in their healing. As a trauma informed coach, she works with both men and women who may be challenged with stress, chronic pain, chronic illness and or disease anxiety and or depression. She specializes in the integration of the little one inside all of us that is accountable for sabotaging our goals in addition to creating unhealthy patterns, habits, behaviors, and limiting beliefs.
Suzanne Proksa:
Through her own curated methodology, the memory integration technique, she utilizes several different modalities and together you access the limiting beliefs while repatterning the brain to create new neural pathways, subsequently growing healthy beliefs, patterns, habits, and behaviors. So you may unlock the abundance and joy that is your birthright. Her mission is to remove the stigma that is attached to men's mental health and reverse the number of suicides within the male population. She is currently living her best life as she travels the globe while serving her clients as a digital nomad. And we are so blessed to have you here today, Nicole. I cannot wait to dive into this topic.
Nicole Harmony:
Thank you so much, Suzanne, for having me here on this platform. I am so honored and blessed and grateful to be here. And yeah, I'm super excited to dive into this topic. So let's get started.
Suzanne Proksa:
All right, Nicole. So I know very well that when we get into helping people with things like this, there's usually a good reason, maybe something that we went through or, or patterns of our own. So how did your own set of beliefs and patterns form? And, you know, what, what did those look like?
Nicole Harmony:
So great question. And when I get often, obviously, so my pattern that I took forward through my own childhood was I grew up with an emotionally unavailable father. And I gave and I also grew up with a very masculine strong mother. So she wore the pants in the family. She, had you know, she did the bills. She did the grocery shopping. You know, he rarely got the lead. He was able to provide financially and that's about it.
Nicole Harmony:
So also, it's important to mention that my mom also gave she grew up with scarcity mindset from her childhood and my grandmother grew up in the Great Depression. And so it was just like kind of generational trauma that just got handed down, handed down until it got to me. And then I'm the chosen one, you know, to break that chain of trauma. Right? So it was around 2010 that I started to, you know, shatter the illusion of my quote unquote perfect childhood. Because I grew up with both parents in the household. And I thought that, you know, I was winning at life since I did have both of my parents, you know, growing up and raising me. But little did I know that the the conditioning and the patterning and the programming that I was receiving in the household from a not very loving relationship. You know, my parents are still married, but it's not a true connection loving relationship.
Nicole Harmony:
And that took me to, again, going back to my dad and being emotionally unavailable to me, he taught me how to have this unbridled need to have attention from men all the time. And whether that be negative or positive, it didn't matter as long as I got the attention because it was that unmet need and want that I had as a child, you know, growing up. My mother was extremely affectionate. She, you know, loved all 3 of us. I have 2 older sisters, all 3 of us enough for, you know, my dad as well, but or so she thought. And it wasn't until again, much later in life that I started kind of uncovering this pattern. And I have a long list of very unhealthy relationships with men, both personal friendship and professional. And I know that that goes back to, and the connection is through the emotional available father that I had.
Nicole Harmony:
And that led to not only lack of love in myself, that lack of confidence, which leads to, am I able to provide and support myself, you know, coming from now a grounded feminine, healthy feminine, divine feminine space where I have been able to integrate a lot of these wounds, but there's, you know, there's always gonna be parts of us that are still kind of floating around out there creating space to sabotage, you know, the abundance that is our birthright. But when, when you have an emotional wound that deep and, and that vast, it, it carries through to all different aspects of your life. And so again, am I worthy of being able to provide and support myself? Am I worthy of having allowing a man to come in and provide and support emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, and spiritually? That's still something that I'm working on actually. And a challenge has recently come up in, a friendship that I had with a man where it's teetering on, am I allowing him to provide? He's not my partner. So is it okay for him to provide? And so, yeah, it's, it's always going to be a balancing act, but yeah, to answer a question in a very long way, Those were the beliefs that I started out with as a child and it comes down to, am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I enough?
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much. It's always so important to understand our speaker's journey, right? So how do you feel your own distortions played a role in your limiting belief of, I am not worthy.
Nicole Harmony:
So to add on to what I just shared, how it plays a role, the limiting belief of I'm not worthy in my life, the distortion that I experienced is again, am what am I worse? That's I'll just say, you know, specifically in my, in my coaching practice, am I worth the investment that I am presenting to others? Am I worth my voice being heard? Am I worth the community that I'm building? Am I worth the the knowledge that I have been provided to share with others? Am I worthy to, to hold that container, that sacred container for others? But then, you know, to add on again, even going further back, am I, am I worthy of a healthy relationship? Am I worthy of the abundance that's being brought to me, whether that be a financial abundance or health abundance or, relationship abundance. I am am I worthy? I am not worthy is probably one of the strongest held Lendington beliefs that every human at some point in time has felt in their life. And, and that's okay. You know, it's, it's okay to not feel worthy every once in a while. You just don't touch a tent and live there. Right? So anybody who's listening to this and is resonating with, am I worthy? You know, I am not worthy and, and really like holding onto that belief. I'm gonna, I'm gonna invite you to sell in that. I'm gonna invite you to offer yourself grace and forgiveness because it's okay.
Nicole Harmony:
You're human. And this is a human emotion. This is a human limiting belief that we have all carried at one point in time of our lives. So, yeah, the distortion of, I am not worthy, we may think that we have fully integrated it. And lo and behold, it may show up in some other little parts, some other little sliver. I was actually just having a conversation with a friend about he's he keeps jumping from relationship to relationship and, you know, and I I just asked him to kinda like sit back and ask that part of himself that feels like he needs to to get into another relationship. Right? Because it's these parts of us. It's these, even these little slivers of the parts of us that are still creating the space to sabotage the abundance that is our birthright.
Nicole Harmony:
And so that's something that's a practice that I have constantly is that, you know, I'm constantly repaired reparenting little Nicole. You know, what is she needing? What is she wanting? What what need and want went unmet that she's still trying to seek in my current life and fighting me, battling me as the adult.
Suzanne Proksa:
And I am sure that probably many of my listeners can relate to those distortions and things that create that belief. What was the catalyst to bring awareness to these unhealthy patterns, habits, and beliefs for you personally?
Nicole Harmony:
So going back to again, the emotional healer that I saw in 2010, that's kind of what kicked off my whole healing journey. I actually went for chronic pain. So I had like severe chronic pain and in my left face, left side of my face. And I had gone the Western medicine route and it had failed me miserably. And then that's when I started to dive, you know, really deep into how the body presents itself as far as pain and how it's a signal that something else is going on within. I didn't have any kind of, you know, cancer or anything like that. It was more of needing to release these trapped emotions that were inside of my body. So I went to an emotional healer and she uncovered a memory that I had suppressed.
Nicole Harmony:
It wasn't sexual abuse or anything like that, but it was a time where somebody didn't, you know, multiple people didn't show up for me. And I, and I was injured and I was very, I know I was only 8 years old. And so that was kind of the turning point for me. And as far as relationships are concerned though, because I know that that's where I'm not worthy shows up a lot, you know, is in the intimate relationship is when I, you know, further down into my journey and I was going through different, you know, relationships ending and, you know, men ghosting me. And I was like, wait a minute, I'm the common denominator in this whole entire scenario. So I think it's time to start to do some self reflection and look inward, but I didn't find this level of work. I, I was doing sound healing and, the emotional healer And, that's that's really it. And it wasn't until I started training to be, you know, a coach and, you know, got into the trauma informed arena that I really started to unravel and uncover the root cause of the, I am not worthy belief and recognizing, you know, how my dad operated as the, the, the man, you know, in my life that he was giving me the, the example that I was to follow, you know, as a young girl.
Nicole Harmony:
And, you know, reading books and, and really resonating with everything, but it really wasn't until I found this work, this training that I was able to really dig deep into my family systems, you know, my familial patterns and take accountability for them. And again, really examine the patterns of my own relationships, my intimate relationships and seeing there's, there's a, an exercise that I give to my clients and to make 2 columns. And one is the the good qualities and the other one is the bad qualities, and then you list the people in real that you've been in a relationship for at least a year or longer. So it's something, you know, that's serious, not just a dating relationship. And you list all the qualities and then you go back and you circle the ones that are repetitive and then you see your pattern, good and bad. And I did that, that exercise. And I guess it was maybe like 2017, and I found this work in 2020. So, yeah, it was just kind of there's so many different pivotable points.
Nicole Harmony:
It's hard to just nail down one, but definitely the relationship aspect, piece came in when I was I realized I was a common denominator, and this is something that I needed to start looking inward and stop projecting and pointing the finger to everybody else. I mean, you know, I called, I called my exes narcissists too, and I absolutely detached that word. The way that narcissists are formed is from severe distortions and trauma in the childhood. So I see it as a very ugly and derogatory word. I no longer use it. I am actually advocating for people to stop using it because it does keep you in that victim energy if you continue to label and give the title to somebody who was abusive to you emotionally, mentally, and physically, a title of narcissist. You know, it's at some point in time, we have to look at these experiences as lessons, integrate them, learn from them and, you know, and move, move forward, move on and not stay in that victim energy.
Suzanne Proksa:
Let's take this a step further. What have you done to repattern your own brain and create new neural pathways to build those healthier patterns, habits, and beliefs?
Nicole Harmony:
So I'm trying to remember the it's the emotion code. That's what it is. So I have done emotion code work on myself. I've had other practitioners do the emotion code work with me, holding that space for me. And then I also do the subconscious release technique, that I was trained in that is part of the memory integration technique. That's the the end of the memory integration technique. So I am able to sit in my you know, create the space for myself and create those new neuro pathways for myself through these different modalities that I just mentioned. But I do recognize that it's important for others to hold that space for me to reflect back the dark spaces, the the unknown spaces, and the suppressed spaces that I may not be able to see.
Nicole Harmony:
And I know that with a trained eye, I will be able to have that awareness brought to me by somebody else in a very gentle love loving, kind, and compassionate way.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much. You know, anybody who has ever been through this or even just started on doing some of this work knows how challenging that can be and, and what work it is. So, you know, turning to the audience and you know what their questions are. What are some early signs that someone might be struggling with a limiting belief around worthiness, even if they're not aware of it yet. What, what might pop up? What might they look for?
Nicole Harmony:
So again, I am not worthy can show up in relationships, career friendships, the just even just your environment. So just to kinda go down the the line relationships, if you're not being honored, respected, provided for in a relationship, then there is an opportunity to look at, am I worthy? Am I worthy of this relationship? Because we will often go in and sabotage. So the way that neuroplasticity works is when, when we are between the ages of 0 8 years old, our beliefs are created between the ages of 0 8 years old, and they are created by the society, primary caregivers and the environment that we are in, the conditioning, the environment that we're in. And so if we have any type of chaos in the household or, you know, a a parent that is absent that's emotionally or physically absent. And we are having to get our needs met through through ourselves. You know, the the child is having to meet his own needs rather than or her needs rather than it being met by the primary caregivers, right, in their lives. So we will the the imprint that is given to the child is that I am not worthy of my parents' time. I am not worthy of my parents' love.
Nicole Harmony:
I am not worthy to be able to take up space. We will go through after the age of 18. So that's when the so 0 to 8 years old, that's when the beliefs are created. 8 to 14, 14 to 18, that's when the patterns start to kind of, like, do the get the polishing, you know, so to speak on them. And then 18 and plus, you know, you get into those relationships, the friendships, the connections that are going to confirm the belief of I am not worthy that was created between the ages of 0 and 8. So again, the way that neuroplasticity works is that the brain will go out and play detective and create scenarios to go back to that belief. And it will become the brain and the nervous system will become dysregulated if it experiences anything different. And so a good example of that is if you get into a relationship with a man or a woman, and they are very loving, They're in a secure attachment, but you're still struggling with either the avoidant or the anxious preoccupied or, you know, whichever one you wanna name.
Nicole Harmony:
They're in this secure, but you're still living in those patterns and those attachment patterns. You're going to, the brain is going to sabotage, create scenarios to go back to that belief of I am not worthy because the brain just wants to be right. The brain just wants to have that emotional regulation and feeling love is not the same as not feeling, I'm not feeling loved by others. So I'm not sure if you're able to see that connection or not, but peace and happiness may be normal to society, but to a person that experienced chaos and not being loved and abuse is not going to see that as normal because that is not their baseline. That is not the belief that was imprinted onto their brain. So number 1 is in a relationship. If you are not feeling or not being treated with respect, not being provided for, or as a man, having a woman that doesn't allow you to provide for them and you're wanting to provide for them, or if you're wanting to go 5050 in the relationship. So that those are some of the ways that can show up, in career.
Nicole Harmony:
If you are not being compensated to the point that you feel comfortable, then there's a limiting belief of I am not worthy because you're not able to you're still playing small. You're not able to step up and say, I am worthy of this investment in me because I'm worth this to your organization. I'm worthless to hold this space for you to heal and process your traumas. Again, I'm speaking from my own space right now. And then the third is that if you are not living the life that you desire or you're living a life for others, other than yourself, then again, there is an I'm not worthy. There is an element of people policing in there as well. So I'm not sure if any of that resonates with you, like with you guys, but these are the 3 keys, relationship, career, and how are you living your life? Are you living the life that you feel you deserve and are worthy of?
Suzanne Proksa:
So helpful. So let's take that a step further. How can someone identify if the limiting beliefs they're carrying actually belong to them or were inherited from family or society?
Nicole Harmony:
So there's an element of both. You have to take accountability for your own beliefs. At some point in time. Your childhood was not your fault, but it is your it is your responsibility as an adult to unravel these distortions that you experienced as a child. You know, they, whenever I was training to be a coach in that and the trauma informed area, one key thing, one key takeaway I got was your soul chose this family for a reason to make the evolvement that the soul needed to have, in this lifetime. So there's an element of accountability, but there's also the element of, yes, you were a child. You were this open vessel for everybody else to project their crap onto you. So it's almost always not going to be your belief.
Nicole Harmony:
And it may not, again, may not even be this lifetime that I have found, I have supported the findings of patterns that were not necessarily existing in the family systems of this lifetime that have been for previous lifetimes. So to answer your question, it's always it's not always going to be yours. There's always going to be an element of conditioning programming, but the key takeaway here is that it is your responsibility to bring awareness to it. Take the steps to create the space of integration, healing, releasing, you know, whatever terminology you like to use. I always like to use integration because when you when you think about releasing, the the releasing is letting go of something of yourself, but that's a part of you. So that's why I always like to look at integration, you know, the, the soul we're walking around with this auric field and there's these little, you know, parts of ourselves that we've disassociated from shame, judge, criticize, suppress, that we bring this in and we make this beautiful mosaic, you know, of our soul and our heart. So I use integration. I don't like to necessarily use healing either.
Nicole Harmony:
I I don't call myself a healer anymore. The more and more that I get deeper into this work, I realize that we're not broken. We're not broken people. It's, you know, we have our distortions, but the integration is the most important part. And so, yeah, I, you know, if whatever terminology you want to use, like going back to your original question is, this is, this is what I say to that. It is almost always not something that you were responsible for when you were growing up. I mean, your soul chose your soul, chose this blueprint to evolve. So take that accountability, but then also take that a step forward and take the accountability that it is your responsibility to do the integration of the distortions of the traumas, creating those new neuro pathways.
Nicole Harmony:
So you can grow those new healthy behaviors, patterns, beliefs, habits.
Suzanne Proksa:
I have always found it so helpful to have that knowledge of where these things came from. So thank you so much for sharing that. Can you share any simple daily practices or affirmations that our listeners can use to start shifting their mindset toward abundance?
Nicole Harmony:
Absolutely. I, so 2 things that, that I practice daily is meditation. And then I always am very conscious of my thoughts because your thoughts create things, they create the patterns, so they create your reality. Right? So I'm always very cautious of my thoughts. I constantly are not really so much anymore because I am so aware of my thoughts and the the words that come out of my mouth. It's almost like, you know, spells. Right? I'm sure you've seen that in the social media world recently is that what you speak is, you know, kind of like a spell not to go too witchy or anything, but so always be aware of your thoughts. If you are thinking something negative, drown it out immediately with 3 things that are positive.
Nicole Harmony:
Practice gratitude every single day. I'm out here in Thailand, so I can't have my gratitude jar with me because, you know, I can't be carrying all of that stuff around on my back. But just practicing gratitude daily, what are you grateful for? The, the universe is a carbon. It's a, it's a copy machine. And so it's only going to give you what you speak out into the universe. So if you're speaking negatively about your life, about your partner's life, about yourself, about your children's life, about your job, you know, whatever it is, if you're speaking negatively about it, the universe is gonna be like your wish is my command and give you more negative. Does that make sense? So they always think positive, you know, and not to the point of, like, toxic positivity because we're all allowed to, you know, live in that victim role for, you know, a short while in order to like process, you know, greeting situation. Again, just don't pitch a tent and limp there.
Nicole Harmony:
Right? It's just all about self awareness. So the 2 things, the 3 things actually that I would give to the the listeners and the audience in your community are practice daily gratitude, meditation. Meditation has been so important for me. And then watching your, your thoughts, always being aware of how you're speaking to yourself and how you're speaking to others and others around you. And let me just add to that because, you know, we're coming off of like a very tumultuous election and both sides are experiencing different waves of emotions. So I would be aware as to who you are allowing into your energetic space. And I do that on a daily basis too. I'm, I'm very aware of what energy is around me and almost putting up like kind of a force field.
Nicole Harmony:
So I don't take on anybody else's stuff. Right. I have to be a clean vessel for my clients and for myself. And so I'm very cautious as to who I share my energetic field with. So I would invite you to really be cautious of who you are inviting into your space on social media, and then who are you contributing to their energy as well? So, there's a lot of negative right now out there on social media. So just be very aware as to how that is affecting you and your own vibration.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much. I am sure that the audience is feverishly writing notes and thinking about the things that they want to start working on. And they're probably also wondering how they can find you and reach out to you. Should they need any help with that? Because this is not typically a quick thing to do. Right? And we often need help. So how can they reach out to you? How can they find you?
Nicole Harmony:
So, yeah, the best way to get ahold of me is, my website at nicoleharmany.com. And that is nicoleharmony.com. And on there, you can book your free session so we can have a one to one conversation and just see what we feel would best support you and the ones in need that you're coming forward with. There is a place to book, one off sessions with the Akashic records and the memory integration technique. Those are great springboards to getting started, you know, within the journey and the chapter that we would be, navigating together. So, yeah, those are 2 of the best ways to get ahold of me for actually the best way to get ahold of me.
Suzanne Proksa:
Thank you so much for being on the show, Nicole. This was so helpful. And I know that this is a really popular topic for people. It's very common and we don't always have the tools. So you are providing some tools to start with and ways that people can continue to do this work is so appreciated. So thank you so much. And I look forward to seeing you around and speaking with you again.
Nicole Harmony:
Thank you so much, Suzanne. I really enjoyed my time here with you today. And, you know, my intention was to bring some value and insight to your community of listeners. And, yeah, I just I this is something that we are all going to be challenged with at some point in time of our lives. So it's just important to remember to give ourselves grace and forgiveness when we do have these setbacks in life and just move forward with somebody who is skilled to support you and moving forward, creating those action steps to get to be the next level and the best version of yourself. So thank you so much for allowing me to share my message, and it's just been an honor to be on this platform.
Suzanne Proksa:
I am so glad you joined me for another episode of happy, healthy, and rich. If you loved the episode, do me a favor and help with a rating and a tip. Looking for more info on the podcast, my women's membership or how to work together? Head to my website at suzanneprocsa.com or my easier URL at seusspro.cobodcasts. See you on the next episode.
