010 | Getting Past Your Fears and Insecurities to Shine with Kelly McCausey
Kelly McCausey is a content marketing and community building coach who discovered clients need more than strategy and ideas to be successful. They need a positive growth focused mindset and a willingness to get past all of their fears and insecurities. Join us for this discussion about getting over those fears and insecurities that keep us from sharing your brilliance!
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The Imperfect Transcription:
Hello everybody. And welcome to another episode of the Suzanne show. So I have someone super fun here for you today. I am here with Kelly mcausey. She wrote a book called Get past your shit. And we are going to talk today about contact marketing and how to really get past those things that keep us from putting ourselves out there and sharing our gifts. I am super excited to have Kelly here and I am going to let her introduce herself. Welcome Kelly.
Thank you. Hi Suzanne. Yeah, I’m Kelly. Mcausey. I’m 54. I live in Michigan. I’m single. I have a son, two grandchildren who I’m unreasonably in love with. I am a content marketing and community building coach.
And I love collaboration, which is what led to the book, get past your shit. It’s a collaborative project with people in my community. People with stories to tell about how they got past their shit to put themselves out there in the world. And it really formed 2020 for me, it gave me something to do that felt awesome and positive.
So that I didn’t, you know, obsess and dwell on everything that was crazy. And man, I’m so excited to be here. So what do you mean? There was something crazy. It was 20, 20, whatever are you talking about? So, yes. So I think that this is a, a great topic for right now, too, because there are so many people just trying to figure out.
What am I going to do in 2021? Where’s my place in this world. And all of that. And along with that comes, you know, the fear that all of us run into. So my first question for you though, is what actually led you to write the book. Like what made you say, that’s it, I’m going to write this book, this needs, so, yeah.
First thing I want everyone to know about me is that I have been fat almost my entire life. And I don’t mean a little bit fat. I mean, a lot fat. I thought I was fat when I was a teenager when I wasn’t actually fat, but yo-yo dieting and becoming obsessed with food and using it for, to be the answer to everything I got up to almost.
400 pounds. And I, because I spent my entire adult life really overweight and feeling really ashamed of it. I hit out, I didn’t put myself out there and do anything that would draw attention to myself. And I started my online business in 2002 and it was perfect because back then we, we hardly even put our photos on the internet.
And then if you did, it was a carefully selected, they shot. And no one had to know that I was fat and ashamed of myself as the internet got faster. We started to show more pictures. We started to do video and then crazy things. The craziest thing is that people who were in business online started to get together in person.
And I was so resistant to it. I had built a business that set me free from debt and the day job. I was a podcaster from the very beginning of podcasting because I had an internet radio show in 2003. And even though I was like this pioneer invited to speak on big stages to come and talk about being an early adopter podcaster, I would never accept the invitations because hell no, I won’t go.
I, I like this being a voice on the internet.
Well, it became so compelling that to not show up. Was was just impossible to abide. Right. I finally went to my first event in 2009, scared to death that all these people who liked me and respected me would take one, look and think, ah, like she’s a, she’s a big fat mess. Why did we ever listen to her?
Like this is, this is all the shit that ran in my head and. And, you know what, maybe that happened with a few people. At least they were kind enough not to say it to my face, but for, for the most part, I was only loved and embraced. I ended up speaking in an event and the first time I spoke at an event, I, as I.
Was finishing up and walking out of the room. Another big woman walked up to me and she had tears in her eyes and she just, she just grabbed my arm. And she said, I just got to thank you because I’ve never seen a big woman on stage before. I didn’t even know it was possible. And I about burst into tears because I was like, yeah, I don’t see any big women on stages either.
Every time I have spoken any event I’ve ever spoken at the same exact thing happened, some another large woman would either come right up to me or send me a message and say, you give me hope. If you can do it, I can do it. If you can get over yourself and get up on that stage, I can do it too. And I went on to host events.
I’ve hosted retreats. I I’m no longer, as large as I used to be. I had bariatric surgery. I really took on a journey of, of really taking better care of my body. But I’m still a big woman. I’m way a hell of a lot less, but I am still big and probably walk in this earth. I am never going to be skinny and it’s so it’s okay.
It doesn’t mean I have to check out of everything I want to create in the world. So why did I write the book? Because these people kept telling me you seeing you do it makes me believe I can do it. And I thought, if that that’s true of me about being a big girl, what is that true for other people?
Like what do people make up? What’s their shit that runs, that keeps them from putting themselves out there. As an authority what keeps them from sharing their story? What are they making up? Counts them out because it, it doesn’t need to, it doesn’t every single person on stage has some shit running that says they shouldn’t be doing it, but somehow some way they step past it and get up there anyways.
So true because I mean, you talk, you hear even some of the people who are seven figures, eight figures, you know, a year, they still, they still have that, all of those things. You know, and I you’re absolutely right. I mean, I have a laundry list of things that my best friends, you know, or. Constantly scolding me about like, what are you saying?
Like, so I think that we all have that. And so I think let’s dive into it a little further, you know, as far as like some of the things that you see, like what does, what does getting past your shit really mean to you? Like what does that look like? What are the, some of the things that you’ve seen? So there’s a story that runs.
For most people that, that here’s, what’s wrong with me. And when I fix it, then I can go do what I want. So for me, for 20 years, it was all when I lose the weight, I’ll do all the things I want to do when I got into my forties. And as heavy as I was, there was a day, it dawned on me. No matter what, if I lost it all.
I would still not be really happy in my body because now I’ve got the aftereffects of it all. Like I have lost over a hundred pounds, which just means I’m a big woman with a lot of jiggle. It getting past your shit is about not using anything as an excuse. I, so I teach people to make a shit list.
And a hit list. Start by making a list of all the stuff that you’re letting holds you back, all your reasons why you can’t write that book or launch that podcast or speak on that stage or, or volunteer, you know, to, to be part of something, make that big list. And then we’re going to slice it down the middle by asking, is there something I can do about it that would erase this obstacle that goes on your hit list?
So that could be, I don’t know how to speak in public. Well, Greg, go take a public speaking class, check that that’s hit-list item, but if it’s I don’t think I’m attractive enough. Then what can you do about that? Like, that’s a mindset issue. That there were no one, I don’t know too many people who are likely to put that on there, hit list and get something done about it.
Unless we’re talking about completely revamping your mindset, which would be a great idea, completely going see a plastic surgeon about getting a beautiful face. That sounds awesome. Like that’s shitless material. That’s just something that making up as an obstacle that isn’t actually an obstacle and that’s something you can just choose to get past.
I don’t mean that that’s easy, but I have found one of the ways that I, I, once I separated things between Hitlist and shitless, when I’m looking at that show, listen to starting, how am I going to get past it? I go looking for inspiration. And I’ve got, I’ve got three favorite people on my inspiration list.
When it comes to my shit about how I look, I think about Lizzie Velasquez she’s a woman who was born with a genetic condition where her body just doesn’t store fat. So she literally looks like a walking corpse. She was trolled on the internet and called the one, the world’s most ugly woman when she was only like 16 or 17 years old.
Oh, wow. Yet she gets out there. She did a Ted talk. She travels the world and she speaks, she doesn’t let her feelings about what she looks like. Get in the way Sean Stephenson, who passed away in the last just a little over a year ago, Sean Stephenson, born with a genetic condition of brittle bones.
So Is only about three foot tall and lived in a wheelchair and his, his small size and, and and physical attributes. He could have said, I can’t do anything. Nobody wants to listen to me. He went to college, he became a therapist. He’s a, he was a incredibly successful, powerful motivational speaker.
He didn’t let his feelings about what he looks like and what people think. Stop him. Okay. John O’Leary is another powerful motivational speaker. When he was a child, he started a fire in his family’s garage, burned almost his entire body, lost some fingers in the process. You know, he doesn’t let what he thinks about his looks and what other people might think.
Stop him. I look at these super freaking powerful people and I go, if they can get past their shit, I can get past my shit. And any one of us, whatever, whatever insecurities we have stopping us, we can find inspiration that that helps propel us forward. And you know what, Suzanne, I’m lucky because my, my biggest portion of shit is about how I look and that’s obvious.
And so I can go find people who look funny. And say, if they can do it, I can do it. But someone who’s listening, who’s got shit. That’s not visible. It’s tougher. If you feel fundamentally flawed, broken, and unwanted, it’s not like you can just look around and find other people who feel that way. Because mostly they’re hiding it so true.
And that’s, so that’s the book. That’s why I wanted people who have all kinds of shit running to share their stories, to provide that inspiration. So I absolutely love that. And I, I hope that the audience took notes on that shit list and hit list. That is absolute genius. I’m going to do that myself when we’re done.
So thank you so much for sharing that that is. Fantastic. And so I’m curious, you know, you talked about when you got up on stage and, you know, you were speaking and the people that came to you after, and that’s so interesting that you say that because, you know, I’ve even experienced that too, you know, even on something as simple as clubhouse.
The messages that I get after from some women who feel like they could take on the world after. It’s so amazing. And so my question for you is, you know, what additional impact have you seen after the launch of your book of the project?
So the book launched in October and then. The feedback, the testimonials that have been coming in have been pretty incredible. It’s, it’s so great when people actually leave their feedback as it review on Amazon. But most of the great feedback comes in a private message when somebody writes to me and says I could relate to every story in the book I realized Something.
I never realized how common these fears and insecurities were among other people. One of the greatest impacts, I have a gal who be turned into a client of mine, who she devoured the book. And she messaged me and she said, I have no excuses left for any of my shit. And for the first time I don’t care because if they can do it, I can do it.
And that’s like, that’s that golden moment of that’s exactly what we wanted the book to create. When, when, when you are all alone with your fears and insecurities and, and everything, you’ve experienced, all the Tufts circumstances of life you make up that you are the only one that that there’s nothing you can do about it.
And you’re stuck. And to see somebody realize, yep, my life has sucked. Shit’s been hard. I’m a, I’m a, I’m a blubbery mess inside full of fears and insecurities. And I can still get up and do something tomorrow. Yes. So the impact of that since October has been really powerful. The steps she’s taken, the content she’s published is blowing me away.
So that’s just one example of impact. I see where someone just realized this shit doesn’t have to stop you. It’s not going anywhere. I’m still fat, Suzanne. I still I’ve come a million miles in just loving and appreciating my body. And yet there’s times when I put on something and go, Whoa, like I still have shit about how I look And every single day, I stepped past it to say so what, so what, why should it stop me?
It didn’t stop Lizzie. It didn’t stop Sean. It didn’t doesn’t stop John and all these people, it doesn’t stop. It’s not going to stop me either. True. I think, you know, the other thing is that we don’t realize just what kind of an impact. We have when we put our story out into the world or when we, you know, share content, I think sometimes we just don’t realize how many people are actually listening and who we’re impacting.
I think it’s a lot more significant than, than people realize. And then also, you know, you’re absolutely correct. You know, all of those issues and insecurities that we have, they still hang out in the, in the back of your head. You know? I mean, there’s a reason why, you know, there’s some, of course, some people who love to do journaling, right?
That’s their thing of choice. And there’s a reason why they’re still doing it every day, several years later, because you know, there’s. Just always something there in the background. So I, that is just really amazing to hear that the impact. And since you mentioned content in there, I think that’s a great time to transition to something that you are an expert in.
And something where I know a lot of people need help and that’s content marketing. So.
What is your perspective on content marketing? You know, what, what is it and you know, why make it your focus? Yes. So I got my start building a business as a graphic designer, a website designer. I was a work at home mom. And as really curious about how other moms were making money online, which is what led to starting my, my internet radio show, which was work at home moms talk radio.
It was all about satisfying my curiosity and, and it created something really magical and unexpected a community. The moms I interviewed wanted to know each other, the moms who listened to the interviews wanted to know each other. The questions that came up in, in podcast interviews gave me ideas about things to write about back then.
We were big on article marketing. We didn’t have blogs then, but we published articles around the internet. I noticed as I would publish articles. Then that would bring more people into the community. So I, I got it right away, content and community go hand in hand content attracts and serves a community and a communities engagement and helps you create more content that blew up my life because the internet radio show became a podcast.
2004 that turned into a paid membership site. Where people who, who wanted to really dive deeper were happy to pay, to be part of a monthly training and a private forum. 2005. I quit my day job. I just, I fell so in love with it back then, it was how you connected people. You published content.
You gathered them together. Then the internet got that side swiped by social media. I’m not anti-social media in any anyway. I love it, but it did change things. I guys. How you are content marketing, all y’all are you’re just doing it on Facebook posts and tweets and Instagram posts. And, and what breaks my heart a little bit is that you’re letting all the content flow there and you’re not bringing enough content back home to your website.
You’re spewing all your golden nuggets, bite-sized chunks on social media, and then it fades off into the. Ethers cause who remembers what you posted on Facebook three months ago? Like all that great juicy golden stuff. If it resonated for a moment on Facebook or Instagram or clubhouse. Yeah. And then it needs to be brought back and created as a blog post or a podcast episode, something that lives forever and can be referred to forever on your website because that’s.
That’s a big element of building your community and re-exposed who your brand. Oh my gosh. Preach. Can you repeat that for the audience? Oh my gosh. I mean, that is so true. And. If you think about there’s some absolute gold. I mean, I remember the stretch of people aren’t doing this as much anymore, but I remember the stretch of time where people were doing those blogs style ish type posts on Facebook all the time.
And I mean, they would just post there and nowhere else. And you’re absolutely right too. You mentioned clubhouse. I mean, Anybody that spends any time on clubhouse knows there’s goals. Hold on there. People are dropping value bombs spontaneous in the moment in response to a question and then poof, it’s gone.
Like I just, I hope that they are jotting them down and then taking it back to some other form of content that has legs. You know so in like if we think back to 2007, I am th that’s I think 2007 was the first year I actually started a block prior to that, it was all article marketing. The only thing different about that was the format.
But in 2007, If I got an idea, if someone asked me a question and I got a spark of an idea, I wrote it down. And then I went and I developed a whole item of content around it with a start and a middle and a story and an ending and a call to action. And I published it and it worked for me. Forever that article got referred to and recommended and included a newsletters and, and shared.
And I kept referring back to it and it, it, it was immediate juicy item of content that worked for me long after the conversation. And that happened over and over and over again because I, you know, wrote many, many articles over the years. And so I got questions I answered, you know, three years ago, four years ago that were bringing people to me and saying, I just found you and I read your article and, Oh my gosh, it’s amazing.
I’m on your list. I can’t wait to learn more compare that to what some people are letting happen today is they’re just answering the question on Facebook, where they’re answering the question in clubhouse. Boom. Done. Yes. I was like, Oh, come on. Like crushing. It’s like, let’s not forget that your home on the web is your website.
Not clubhouse, not Instagram. Those are, those are where you go out and find people and invite them home. While, you know, there was that stretch of time where there were a bunch of people teaching that you didn’t need a website. We, if we go down that road, we’ll be an hour or so. Yeah. Yep. It, it, there’s never going to be a time when your home base is an important, because platforms come and platforms go and your content can live forever.
If you got meaty, juicy, excited about something and ranted for 10 minutes on clubhouse, you have articles to write blog post, to publish podcasts, to publish something that can live forever and be referred to. And if you’re missing that opportunity, you know, let’s not anymore. Yes. I agree. I think that’s a great place to leave that.
So important. You know, I, this is so funny. We say this because I was on clubhouse yesterday. Actually, maybe it was the other day. I don’t know I’ve been on there so much, but there was a, we give tips in our rooms and you know, one of mine was really specifically targeted to health coaches and I won’t talk about the whole thing.
I only want to mention that I was talking about the fact that when, when someone, where they, cause I have chronic illness, when someone with a chronic illness has an issue, there’s basically a couple of places they go to to try to figure it out, right. They Google, which takes you where articles, podcasts, you know, it goes to those places.
So it’s just. It’s just so important to make sure that you’re, you’re getting that content where it needs to go. And if, if you don’t have the time, there are people who will gladly help you with that. So let’s tie all of that into then. What is your best content marketing advice? So
Write about what you’re passionate about, write about something that matters. Take that. The last thing that you really felt like ranting about. There’s something I teach called banner message strategy. And then where you imagine something you’re so passionate about it, you would write it on a big old piece of poster board and March it around a group of your people.
Like if you imagine that you’re at a rally of your people, what’s the message you want to shout out from the top of your lungs. So that everybody can see a banner message gets attention. It passes the shrug test. You know, nobody wants to look at a sign that says don’t forget to tie your shoes, like, huh.
Okay. Thanks. Like, like that’s a, so what kind of thing? But tight, you know, I’m not going to go down there. That story But a better message. Like one of my banner messages is you know, you’ve got to have something to say have something to say already, or take a stand and become an invitation like those.
I know what those mean, and I’m going to go deep, deep into what that means. I feel like I’m giving terrible examples right now, one example of a banner message statement. Just to give you guys an idea, a client, I was coaching on her content, wanted to write about why you should have a daily writing habit.
And that was the name of our article. Why you should have a daily writing habit. And I’m like, but like, Like tell me, tell don’t tell me what you’re going to tell me, tell me why I care. And through brainstorming, we came up with a title that said how, how one missed day of run my running routine. How missing one day of my running routine ended in a pile of cookie crumbs and regrets on the couch.
Oh yeah. That attention getting. Title drew people back to why you want to have a daily running habit. And how do you create a Danny running habit and what sort of things get in the way of a daily running habit? You’ve got to get someone’s attention to get them to come back and read that content. Yes.
So you’ve got to develop a banner message to something that really matters. Don’t write about boring stuff. If a title puts you to sleep, it’s going to put them to sleep. So push a button, don’t be afraid to push a button and engage with people’s emotions. Love it. Absolutely love it. You’re just dropping gold left and right.
So I’m kind of putting you on the spot here. What are. Like, let’s say, you know, somebody is coming into this discussion full of fears and insecurities. They need to get some content out there. They need to do something like what, what are the top three things that you would tell that person to really look at?
When they’re just absolutely terrified right now to put anything out there. And it can absolutely be general. Well, my, my first thought is is you, you must surround yourself with other people who are devoted to the same goal of publishing content and putting themselves out there because there’s, there’s courage in numbers.
Yeah. When you are all alone between you and the computer screen. Your fears and insecurities are, are just everywhere. And it’s no wonder that you go still in quiet, but when you are engaged in some kind of group masterminding, brainstorming and accountability, where everyone is focused on, let’s get something out there.
Let’s say what we want to say then Your, your demons get drowned out. That’s the best way I can describe it. So find some kind of a mastermind group to join that, that lift you up and, and that you can. Brainstorm ideas with, because first there’s the issue of their fears and insecurities. That just would rather you sit down and shut up.
But then there’s just the technical fear of, I don’t know if I’m doing this right. And, and so you need both the moral support and the strategic support to have confidence to hit publish on something. And I still need that to this day. There are times where there’s something I want to do. Like my book project would never have come to life.
If I didn’t have people to bounce the idea off from and get feedback from, if it had been between me and the screen, it might never have happened, but because it was between me and five or six friends who all said, Holy shit. Yes. You know, we, the world needs this book then, you know, day by day, I can keep getting past my fears and insecurities because I know, I know I’ve heard good feedback.
So surround yourself with people who want the same thing. That’s that’s the first, the first step in, and then the second, the one other thing I will say is, is choose a medium that. You want to do don’t make video. Cause someone says you should make video. If you hate video, don’t publish a podcast if you hate talking.
But, but don’t write if you hate writing, like flow in the medium of content that you want to do. Yes. And get content published and then. Yeah, you can, once your content is engaging, you can start to stretch yourself in that uncomfortable areas, but that’ll be easier once people are engaging with you.
Absolutely. Well, that that is an awesome, awesome tip for the audience. So they have probably got a folder full of notes right now. And I’m wondering how they can reach out to you. Like how do they connect with you? Do you have anything for them special? Ooh, well, so my website is love people, make money.com.
Well, we’d love for you to come check out the blog and the podcast. The book site is get past your shit.com. There, there is a there’s a coaching program that is offered for free. When you pick up the book, the book is only $2 and 99 cents on Kindle, but I do, I do have, I want to give your people a gift.
And what comes to mind is the banner message training. Nice. So I’m gonna make a, I’m going to have to make a code for you to give your people. So I’m gonna say let’s just make it the code thus Suzanne show. Awesome. And I’m going to just set that up that lets them claim the. Course the training for free.
Awesome. So the Suzanne show is the coolest. It’s going to get you a banner message training 100% free. It’s normally $67. Wow. Wow. That’s awesome. Everybody. You need to get that for sure. That’s very generous. Thank you. So that’s does Suzanne show no spaces and the link to claim that as banner message.com.
All right. So we will put that in the notes. Well, thank you so much for joining me today, Kelly. And this was definitely an episode packed full of. Amazing things. I will definitely be referring people to this episode when they struggle with those fears and insecurities for sure and need some top-notch content marketing advice.
Thank you for having me, Suzanne. This was fun. Thank you. And I know I will see you on clubhouse.